reason
by spritzee
Summary: You should have said something. You should have said something. You should have said something, damn it! [tw: major self-harm]


Yuuma noticed the cuts a while back. He always seemed to notice the small things about Thomas, especially after sneaking behind his sister's back to be with him after she told him that he couldn't because he was too dangerous. The same thing Ryoga had told him, his point being proven by Rio's current state. Yuuma had seen nothing wrong with him. He seemed completely normal, well, other than the cuts on his wrist. But wouldn't that be normal? If Thomas had been doing it for a while, it would be normal.

As he walked into the Arclight's home, he noticed that there seemed to be no one but Mihael sitting on the couch, drinking a cup of tea. Mihael smiled and walked over to Yuuma, smiling softly. There seemed to be some kind of sadness hidden in there, but Yuuma quickly waved the thought away. He wouldn't want for Mihael to feel uncomfortable. "Yuuma, are you here to see IV?"

Yuuma nodded, and Mihael simply smiled again. "He's upstairs in his room. I think he might be sick, he hasn't come down stairs since this morning, but V says that he's not dead." With a nod, Yuuma runs upstairs, and knocks on Thomas's door lightly. He waits for a moment, and remembers that he said that he doesn't get along well with his father. He wouldn't want to wake him or anything. He didn't want to cause a scene.

"IV," he says softly, "it's Yuuma. Please let me in."

Yuuma hears Thomas shuffling around inside of the room, and he opens the door a bit. "Come in," he says, "but shut the door behind you."

Yuuma does as he is told, and Thomas leads him over to the bed, and suddenly, Yuuma sees a small red stain, along with a razor blade lying next to it. Thomas's eyes widen, also noticing the stain. He closed his eyes, mentally scolding himself for not even bothering to clean it up. Yuuma is horrified, he falls to the floor, and he just can't seem to stop the tears from overflowing. The words ring in his head loudly: _You should have said something. You should have said something. You should have said something! _

Thomas looks down at him. Yes, he's concerned, but there's no way to apologize for this. He knows now that he's already gone and hurt Yuuma more than he could ever hurt himself. He simply whispers the words in a hushed voice, bending down to grab Yuuma's hand. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you somehow, but… it was hard to find the time."

"IV… IV…"

"Yuuma?" Thomas is concerned now, wondering what Yuuma could possibly be thinking right now. "Yuuma, say something. Anything, I promise I won't be angry with you." He reaches down to the younger boy. What was he supposed to do now?

"IV… you don't have to suffer alone." His words a barely audible, but Thomas hears them loud and clear. "I want to be someone you can rely on. Someone you can trust."

"Yuuma," Thomas never gets tired of saying his name, ever. "Yuuma, I… It's my fault." Thomas can feel his temper starting on him, and he does his best to push it aside. "I'm sorry-"

"No! It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong!" Yuuma seems to instantly spring up. He grabs at Thomas's shirt and starts sobbing into it. "It's just… I should have said something sooner, when I noticed it."

Thomas's heart feels like it has a firm grip on it, and whatever it is isn't letting go. Just like Yuuma, who is clinging onto him for dear life, as if he was precious to him. "You noticed? When did you-?" Thomas feels his eyes beginning to sting with the oncoming tears, and Yuuma looks up at him and whispers to him softly, so softly that he doesn't know what he even says. He moves to the ground slowly, pulling Yuuma with him. He wants to be able to see Yuuma's face. See his eyes, mouth, nose. He just wants to see him.

"When, now?" Thomas asks once more, now that Yuuma is in his lap, and facing him, his eyes red from crying. "Tell me, Yuuma. When did you notice?" He is holding Yuuma's hands tightly, he can feel himself close to cracking, and his walls would be torn down. He can feel the sharp sting of the cut that he had given himself. He want even deeper this time. Was he trying to kill himself? Probably not. Thomas wasn't entirely sure. He didn't _want _to die, but he certainly wouldn't mind it.

Yuuma looks at Thomas's wrist and can see blood beginning to stain through. "IV… you should wash that, first. Here, I can help!" Yuuma stands up again, and takes Thomas to the bathroom that's just a few steps away from them.

A few minutes (that feels like hours to Thomas) pass. Yuuma has cleaned the wound perfectly, and wrapped it up tight for him. Thomas isn't sure what the beating of his heart is doing right now, but it feels nice to have Yuuma there for him. Yuuma smiles at him softly, and takes his hand and looks around a bit nervously. "I noticed it when we first met. You were actually wearing your uniform that day, and it just… it was there. I could see the scars, but I wasn't sure if you were still doing it or not."

He laughs a bit and looks into Thomas's eyes. "IV, I don't want to lose you. Please, don't go away." His lighthearted chuckle begins to turn into crying again, and Thomas's heart begins beating so fast he can't stand it. He picks up Yuuma and pulls him onto the edge of the bathtub with him.

"I'm not going anywhere," Thomas replies, his own eyes forming tears. "I promise I won't go anywhere. Not without you."

Yuuma nods his head, smiling at him. "Remember, you can talk to me about anything, IV."

"Thomas," Thomas replies, "Call me by my name now."

Yuuma isn't sure of how he's supposed to respond to that. He swallows hard at first, and then replies, "Alright, then, Thomas."

They don't leave the bathroom for a while. Thomas knows that there are several questions that Yuuma must want to ask him, but he doesn't say anything. There's an air of comfort around him now, as if he had just had an angel come into his life. But who has time to ponder angels and such? The only thing that Thomas knew was that he didn't want for Yuuma to ever leave his side now.

He was going to hold on, and only for Yuuma.


End file.
